The often-dreaded wedding toast.
A moment should be a highlight of the wedding reception, but yet can strike
fear deep into the heart of any mere mortal that isn’t an experienced public
speaker.
Does the idea of giving a wedding speech/toast make you nervous?
IT SHOULD!
You’ve been selected as one of only 3-5 people who will stand up and address all the closest friends & family members of the wedding couple. The room will be silent, eyes will be on you and ears will listen to every word you say. A well planned and excecated wedding toast can be one of the best memories of the night, while a poorly planned (just going to wing it) wedding toast will create an awkward moment of uncomfortableness that might be captured on video for eternity.
As pro DJs & MCs, our team has witnessed hundreds of wedding toasts over our career spinning weddings & corporate events in Los Angeles, Malibu, Beverly Hills & Orange County.
If I’m being honest…some totally crushed it…
And well…some did not do so well..
We are going to share some tips that will set you up for success and give some pointers on microphone handling etc.
The first tip is the most important and it goes like this….just remember to give the audience a KISS!
Most wedding toast or speeches go off the rails for 3 main reasons:
#1 Lack of preparation and rehearsing
Presidents, Oscar Winners, and Nobel Peace Prize winners all take the time to write and carefully rehearse their speeches a dozen times before going live. So wouldn’t it also make sense to invest some time in your wedding speech? Often guests have the misconception that if they have notes or a rehearsed speech, it will seem too “canned” or dry. So they choose the “from the heart” strategy, which is almost always a disaster.
No matter how often you rehearse, don’t try to go from memory unless you have a photographic memory. You may forget a critical point and regret it later or lose focus and start to ramble. I know some people worry that using notes doesn’t feel authentic, but I promise you that a short and meaningful toast will always trump a long, rambling one, and if you need to use notes, don’t worry about it!
PRO TIP: Once you have your speech finished, record yourself on video and watch it back or share with a trusted friend. Then edit and repeat until you have it polished.
#2 Length and Inappropriate content
Your toast should not be longer than 2-4 minutes- Time yourself. Remember, 3-5 people often speak, and they usually go back to back, so that is already 8-12 minutes that guests are sitting and listening to people talking. If everyone speaking goes longer than 2-4 minutes, then you have guests sitting potentially for over 20 minutes of talking! It’s an energy killer, and guests start to lose interest. Short and precise is always better than long and rambling.
Your content should be thoughtful and mean something to the couple while still being interesting to all the guests. If you are not genuinely funny, don’t try to be funny during your speech. A short, heartfelt speech always goes over better than a series of jokes that are not landing.
#3 Drinking too much before your speech
Even if you follow our tips, plan and rehearse perfectly, it all goes out the window if you get drunk before your speech.
It’s natural for people that aren’t experienced public speakers to have nerves and want a drink to calm them, but have an accountability buddy to help monitor your alcohol intake prior to speech time.
When in doubt follow this simple formula:
#1 Introduce yourself and how you are related to the couple/bride/groom
#2 Thank both families and whoever funded the wedding
#3 Talk briefly about your primary friend (bride/groom) and your relationship. If appropriate tell a short/entertaining story (ONLY 1 story)
#4 Talk about why the spouse is such a great match
#5 Finish with a quote, sentimental thought or well wishing to the couple.
#6 Cheers and hug the couple!
Check out this video!
As an award winning DJ company here in Southern California (Los Angeles), we take a lot of pride in making sure every part of your wedding goes smoothly. We are always available to help coach our clients prior to the wedding day.
Hiring an experienced & professional MC is another way to help ensure everything goes smoothly. An amazing MC will work with your guests to calm their nerves and set them up for success with the crowd.
We also make sure to sync with the wedding planner so we are on the same page regarding the timeline. This way, if a speech runs long we can make a game time decision to add in a break before the remaining speeches or take other action to balance the vibe.
MORE TIPS:
Where to stand?
It depends on the room layout and where the couple is located. But usually, the best place to stand is adjacent to the sweetheart table so that your back is not turned to the room. Now you can look over occasionally to the couple but also address all the guests.
If the couple don’t have a sweetheart table and are seated at a long bridal table, then sometimes you have to stand on the dance floor, but again, find a position that will allow you to face the majority of the room.
The DJ or MC will most likely stand where they want you to be positioned when they call you up to the microphone. However, It’s best to check in with the wedding planner or photographer to confirm your standing location.
If there is a Videographer, they will need to know exactly where toasters are standing because they need to light that spot in advance.
How Should I Hold the Mic?
The closer the mic is to your lips, the better, as long as you aren’t making contact with it. Speak at a level slightly louder than a conversational tone and NEVER cup the mic..
Remember to keep the mic centered at your lips, and don’t let your mic arm move around as you gesture to make a point.
Don’t forget to bring your drink with you.
Decide in advance if you will hold your drink in your free hand.
If you are using notes, then have a plan for where you’ll set your drink down until it’s time to toast at the end.
(Usually, you can place your drink on the sweetheart table)
Toast Topic Suggestions-
Thank the parents for putting on an amazing wedding
A short story about the couple back in school etc…
Your best memory of the couple
Best vacation moment
Talk about how the bride/groom is a better person for having met the other.
Something the couple did that impresses you most
Your relationship with either of the couple
The dynamic that the couple has with each other
Why the couple is so perfect for each other
Think of all the things that the other wedding guests could say about the bride and groom and say something different.
Find an interesting quote or song lyric to use when wrapping up your toast
Toast Don’ts
Don’t drink too much prior to the toast. (2 drink maximum prior to the toast)
Don’t mumble, enunciate!
Don’t bring up exes- ever.
Don’t get too personal about your own life- this is about the couple…not you.
Do not swear. Remember there is a whole room of people and some might be easily offended.
If you do tell a story…ideally it shouldn’t pre-date the couple.
Don’t make amends. The toast is not the time or place to make up or compensate for any past history.
Don’t joke about marriage. Again, you never know how easily offended the family members can be.
Don’t forget to make eye contact with both the crowd and the couple.
Don’t pass the mic off to anyone that isn’t on the list to speak.
Telling a story is fine…just make sure it’s a story that everyone will actually be interested in hearing.